Lord Manners.com

. Only senior members of the negotiating team will speak. Designate the most senior person in your group as your spokesman for the introductory functions.
. Business negotiations occur at a slow pace.
. Be prepared for the agenda to become a jumping off point for other discussions.
. Chinese are non-confrontational. They will not overtly say ‘no’, they will say ‘they will think about it’ or ‘they will see’.
. Chinese negotiations are process oriented. They want to determine if relationships can develop to a stage where both parties are comfortable doing business with the other.
. Decisions may take a long time, as they require careful review and consideration.
. Under no circumstances should you lose your temper or you will lose face and irrevocably damage your relationship.
. Do not use high-pressure tactics. You might find yourself outmanoeuvred.
. Business is hierarchical. Decisions are unlikely to be made during the meetings you attend.
. The Chinese are shrewd negotiators.
. Your starting price should leave room for negotiation.

As we have watched the Olympic games this past week there have seen some real signs that sportsmanship is still alive and kicking and we have been thrilled.Good sportsmanship is good manners in the sports arena but also appreciating how it feels to be in the position of not winning everytime. There have been very few drug takers in these games which is a great thing. When a person takes drugs the athlete is being selfish, thinking only of self and possibly the salute of the home country. People with good manners are never selfish because they believe in fair play, integrity and have a concern for others.

We have been so impressed by the Darra Torres and the gracious way she congratulated the other swimmers. She stopped the race from starting because of her concern for another swimmer who’s bathing suit had problems. She could have so easily ignored that and let the swimmer miss her race. Graciousness involves concern for others and the courage to speak up for them. Graciousness and concern for others are essential elements of etiquette.

Another example of good sportsmanship was from Michael Phelps. Prior to the 4×200 medley relay the French were boasting that they were going to smash the Americans. After the Americans beat them one of the first things Michael did was go over and congratulate the French team for getting the silver. He did it with graciousness and sincerity; sincerity being another element of etiquette. Good manners and good sportsmanship go hand in hand.

. Appointments are necessary and, if possible, should be made between one-to-two months in advance, preferably in writing.
. If you do not have a contact within the company, use an intermediary to arrange a formal introduction. Once the introduction has been made, you should provide the company with information about your company and what you want to accomplish at the meeting.
. You should arrive at meetings on time or slightly early. The Chinese view punctuality as a virtue. Arriving late is an insult and could negatively affect your relationship.
. Pay great attention to the agenda as each Chinese participant has his or her own agenda that they will attempt to introduce.
. Send an agenda before the meeting so your Chinese colleagues have the chance to meet with any technical experts prior to the meeting. Discuss the agenda with your translator/intermediary prior to submission.
. Each participant will take an opportunity to dominate the floor for lengthy periods without appearing to say very much of anything that actually contributes to the meeting. Be patient and listen. There could be subtle messages being transmitted that would assist you in allaying fears of on-going association.
. Meetings require patience. Mobile phones ring frequently and conversations tend to be boisterous. Never ask the Chinese to turn off their mobile phones as this causes you both to lose face.
. Guests are generally escorted to their seats, which are in descending order of rank. Senior people generally sit opposite senior people from the other side.
. It is imperative that you bring your own interpreter, especially if you plan to discuss legal or extremely technical concepts as you can brief the interpreter prior to the meeting.
. Written material should be available in both English and Chinese, using simplified characters. Be very careful about what is written. Make absolutely certain that written translations are accurate and cannot be misinterpreted.
. Visual aids are useful in large meetings and should only be done with black type on white background. Colors have special meanings and if you are not careful, your colour choice could work against you.
. Presentations should be detailed and factual and focus on long-term benefits. Be prepared for the presentation to be a challenge.

. The Chinese don’t like doing business with companies they don’t know, so working through an intermediary is crucial. This could be an individual or an organization who can make a formal introduction and vouch for the reliability of your company.
.  Before arriving in China send materials (written in Chinese) that describe your company, its history, and literature about your products and services. The Chinese often use intermediaries to ask questions that they would prefer not to make directly.
. Business relationships are built formally after the Chinese get to know you.
. Be very patient. It takes a considerable amount of time and is bound up with enormous bureaucracy.
. The Chinese see foreigners as representatives of their company rather than as individuals.
. Rank is extremely important in business relationships and you must keep rank differences in mind when communicating.
. Gender bias is nonexistent in business.
. Never lose sight of the fact that communication is official, especially in dealing with someone of higher rank. Treating them too informally, especially in front of their peers, may well ruin a potential deal.
. The Chinese prefer face-to-face meetings rather than written or telephonic communication.
. Meals and social events are not the place for business discussions. There is a demarcation between business and socializing in China, so try to be careful not to intertwine the two.

The Chinese prefer to entertain in public places rather than in their homes, especially when entertaining foreigners.
. If you are invited to their house, consider it a great honor. If you must turn down such an honour, it is considered polite to explain the conflict in your schedule so that your actions are not taken as a slight.
. Arrive on time.
. Remove your shoes before entering the house.

. Bring a small, wrapped gift to the hostess.
. Eat well to demonstrate that you are enjoying the food!
Table manners:
. Learn to use chopsticks.
. Wait to be told where to sit. The guest of honour will be given a seat facing the door.
. The host begins eating first.
. You should try everything that is offered to you.
. Never eat the last piece from the serving tray.
. Be observant to other peoples’ needs.
. Chopsticks should be returned to the chopstick rest after every few bites and when you drink or stop to speak.
. The host offers the first toast.
. Do not put bones in your bowl. Place them on the table or in a special bowl for that purpose.
. Hold the rice bowl close to your mouth while eating.
. Do not be offended if a Chinese person makes slurping or belching sounds; it merely indicates that they are enjoying their food.
. There are no strict rules about finishing all the food in your bowl.

Tipping Etiquette: Tipping is becoming more commonplace, especially with younger workers although older workers still consider it an insult. Leaving a few coins is usually sufficient.

. In general, gifts are given at Chinese New Year, weddings, births and more recently (because of marketing), birthdays.
. The Chinese like food and a nice food basket will make a great gift.
. Do not give scissors, knives or other cutting utensils as they indicate the severing of the relationship.
. Do not give clocks, handkerchiefs or straw sandals as they are associated with funerals and death.
. Do not give flowers, as many Chinese associate these with funerals.
. Do not wrap gifts in white, blue or black paper.
. Four is an unlucky number so do not give four of anything. Eight is the luckiest number, so giving eight of something brings luck to the recipient.

. Always present and receive gifts with two hands.
. Gifts are not opened when received.
. Gifts may be refused three times before they are accepted.

. Greetings are formal and the oldest person is always greeted first.
. Handshakes are the most common form of greeting with foreigners.
. Many Chinese will look towards the ground when greeting someone.
. Address the person by an honorific title and their surname. If they want to move to a first-name basis, they will advise you which name to use.
. The Chinese have a terrific sense of humour. They can laugh at themselves most readily if they have a comfortable relationship with the other person. Be ready to laugh at yourself given the proper circumstances.

http://lordmanners.com/?p=231

In honor of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing China, Lord Roberts will be writing blogs over the next three weeks about etiquette in China helping everyone to understand the correct protocols of that country.

I decided to get a little ahead of that game by expressing an opinion of my own. Sometimes it is difficult to make a statement about a situation when we are discussing points of etiquette and still maintain the decorum necessary for an etiquette site. I therefor hope my opinion does not offend anyone, if it does I sincerely apologize.

When Beijing won the Olympic bid one of their promises was to clean up their air pollution in time for the Olympics; they have one of the poorest levels of air quality, well below that of the World health organizations acceptable standards. They have despite their efforts, failed to keep their promise. The US team were given face masks to protect them from the dangers of the bad air. As a result four of the cycle team members arrived in Beijing with his mask on and apparently it offended the Chinese government. They voluntarily apologized if they had offended anyone by their action. This whole situation amazed me. Surely Beijing should be apologizing to the world for their inability to keep their promise, not the other way around. It seems bad manners on their part for their guests to be doing the apologizing. Etiquette requires the host to assume the onous of responsibility in such cases. I am still waiting to hear such an apology.

Is letter writing a lost art?

Once upon a time it was considered very poor etiquette to not acknowledge in writing the receipt of a letter, a gift, flowers or send a thank you note for a dinner engagement or some act of kindness, today very few people actually take the time to sit down and pen a note of thanks.

When was the last time for instance, that one of your grandchildren sent you a thank you card for a birthday present you took the time to choose and send to them? A simple thank you note is such a sign of good manners.

I realize today that the electronic transfer meaning e-mail, phone or text messaging, is faster than regular post but there is something so very tangible and rewarding about receiving a hand written note. It is something one can return to and enjoy over and over again. It becomes a treasure a text message will never be. It is also can become a family heirloom or part of one’s history, a bit like writing in a journal- a families social history. I have a card written to me by my paternal grandfather that I treasure since it is the only one I have from a man I loved very much and who had a great influence on my life but I have other letters written by great grandparents to other relatives that tells me a great deal about the persons involved that I would never have known but for the letters they took the time to write.

I actually started writing this blog prior to the comments left by Lord Thompson but revisited after this comment on the importance of letter writing an opinion I obviously agree with.

http://lordmanners.com/?p=226

Summer has been so busy and hot, oh so hot! We have spent time in the pool our small community shares and we had an experience the other day that amazed me. I am keenly aware of ownership. By that I mean those who contribute their money to the upkeep of something have ownership in it and those who don’t contribute, don’t and it is bad manners to use something belonging to someone else.

The other evening we went to the pool that we pay home owners fees to upkeep. It isn’t huge but it is oh so nice on those hot evenings to be able to cool off. When we arrived there were two women and four children there we did not recognize. One of the girls wanted to leave and as we approached opened the gate and the mother who hadn’t seen us yet called, “Don’t close the gate, we don’t have a key.” Lord Roberts and I looked at each other, if she didn’t have a key she didn’t belong there. The other question is how then did she get in? As soon as she saw us she started to pack up and they left trying not to look too obvious. They drove away and out of our neighborhood of about a hundred homes. It is obvious that she didn’t live here because there is only one road in and when you leave you can only go left or right, she went right.

It disturbed us that respect for what belongs to some else seems to be largely lost. We see it everywhere. People seem to think they have a right to use things that don’t belong to them, or go where ever they please. Good manners in this area has diminished. People seen to think it is their right to “get away with” using things they don’t own. They do not equate it with a form of theft. Once trespassing was a prosecutional offense, today it seems to be largely ignored. We have a key to the pool to keep out people who don’t belong but we have seen people climb over the fence and laugh it off when approached. Respect for others and a sense of conscience are being lost in today’s society. The only way to get them back is to make a conscious effort to bring it to everyone’s attention. I see no other way to regain the lost ground in this area of good manners and etiquette.